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Tuesday, January 27, 2015
On Your Mark... Get Set....
Hi friends!
I can finally say that we have made the decision to move forward with IVF. I had my consultation appointment today with my amazing doctor at Dallas Fertility Associates. If pregnancy is not successful this month on our own, we will begin the detailed process as soon as my cycle begins in February. This will put us having the actual IVF procedure in late March.
As you already know, it has taken us a few years to come to this decision. It was not an easy decision to make, but I have never felt more confident that we are making the right choice. We are both really excited, and of course, a bit nervous. Please pray for us as we move forward with this process. Pray that we have strength, peace, and courage to conquer each day and each trial we may be presented with. I plan on posting each week as we navigate through the process. Please feel free to cheer us along by posting comments.
For educational purposes I have included a general overview of the IVF process as my doctor described it to me today.
Currently- I will begin taking a pre-natal vitamin, along with another doctor recommended vitamin.
Mid-February- If natural pregnancy is not successful, I will immediately begin taking a birth control pill. (weird right?) The birth control is used to quiet the system and ovaries. It will allow my body to take a break from growing eggs and producing hormones. This prepares my ovaries for the hormones I will be injecting later to stimulate my ovaries to grow numerous eggs for retrieval.
Early March- Begin using injectable hormones. The hormones will grow numerous eggs that will be retrieved via a small surgical procedure. (not major surgery, no recovery required)
Mid March- The eggs will be retrieved and fertilized. The fertilization/growth process usually takes 3-5 days.
Late March-The two healthiest eggs will be used for implantation. The eggs will be placed inside my uterus and Lord willing one or both of the eggs will implant and begin to grow. (Our anniversary is March 27th, how cool would it be to conceive on our anniversary!)
Early April-Two weeks after implantation, we will take a blood pregnancy test.
Of course, I will detail this out for you all as it happens, and of course this is all subject to change a bit depending on my own body's response to the hormones. I have taken these same hormones in the past with IUI and did very well, so fingers crossed we won't have any hiccups this time either.
One of the main side effects of the hormones is ovarian hyper-stimulation. This occurs when the ovaries stimulate too much and swell which requires emergency surgery. This is a rare side effect, so we'll pray we keep this one at bay.
Thank you all so much for your love, prayers and support.... keep it coming!!!
I can finally say that we have made the decision to move forward with IVF. I had my consultation appointment today with my amazing doctor at Dallas Fertility Associates. If pregnancy is not successful this month on our own, we will begin the detailed process as soon as my cycle begins in February. This will put us having the actual IVF procedure in late March.
As you already know, it has taken us a few years to come to this decision. It was not an easy decision to make, but I have never felt more confident that we are making the right choice. We are both really excited, and of course, a bit nervous. Please pray for us as we move forward with this process. Pray that we have strength, peace, and courage to conquer each day and each trial we may be presented with. I plan on posting each week as we navigate through the process. Please feel free to cheer us along by posting comments.
For educational purposes I have included a general overview of the IVF process as my doctor described it to me today.
Currently- I will begin taking a pre-natal vitamin, along with another doctor recommended vitamin.
Mid-February- If natural pregnancy is not successful, I will immediately begin taking a birth control pill. (weird right?) The birth control is used to quiet the system and ovaries. It will allow my body to take a break from growing eggs and producing hormones. This prepares my ovaries for the hormones I will be injecting later to stimulate my ovaries to grow numerous eggs for retrieval.
Early March- Begin using injectable hormones. The hormones will grow numerous eggs that will be retrieved via a small surgical procedure. (not major surgery, no recovery required)
Mid March- The eggs will be retrieved and fertilized. The fertilization/growth process usually takes 3-5 days.
Late March-The two healthiest eggs will be used for implantation. The eggs will be placed inside my uterus and Lord willing one or both of the eggs will implant and begin to grow. (Our anniversary is March 27th, how cool would it be to conceive on our anniversary!)
Early April-Two weeks after implantation, we will take a blood pregnancy test.
Of course, I will detail this out for you all as it happens, and of course this is all subject to change a bit depending on my own body's response to the hormones. I have taken these same hormones in the past with IUI and did very well, so fingers crossed we won't have any hiccups this time either.
One of the main side effects of the hormones is ovarian hyper-stimulation. This occurs when the ovaries stimulate too much and swell which requires emergency surgery. This is a rare side effect, so we'll pray we keep this one at bay.
Thank you all so much for your love, prayers and support.... keep it coming!!!
Sunday, January 25, 2015
Building an Ark
This morning in church I had a revelation. My Sunday school class talked about Noah and his perseverance. How, even though every one around him thought he was silly and his actions were not necessary, Noah knew that his work would not be in vain. Noah worked for 100+ years to build his ark, even though it wasn't raining, even though there was no flood yet, even though everyone thought he was crazy. God led Noah to persevere.
I often wonder if Noah occasionally questioned the Lord's will for him. Did Noah ask God why it was taking so long to build the ark? Did Noah find himself tired and weary from his labors, wanting to give up? Did Noah beg the Lord to please finish the ark for him? Noah was a great man, but he was also human, so this leads me to believe that he probably did have a few moments in the flesh where he wondered if he were on the right path and doing the right thing.
I can relate to Noah. I have found myself doing this almost weekly for four years. One week I tell myself I need to sit back and do nothing... just let God take control. The next week, I think I need to be fasting, studying, doing something to assist God in answering my prayers. I teeter on the edge of doing too little and doing too much all the time. Is seeking medical attention doing too much? Shouldn't a miracle such as having a child come a bit more easily and without so much struggle and heartache? Is simply sitting back and praying doing too little? Like Noah, is there a path I need to be following?
I battle with these questions often, but today I felt a bit more clarity than I have in the past.
Today, I realized that when God leads us down a path, it doesn't mean we are not required to put forth some effort. Oftentimes, God is leading us down a path to test us in our obedience, our strength, and our faith. God told Noah to build an ark. God wanted Noah to put forth an effort to show his obedience and faith. It wasn't easy and it wasn't instant, but Noah persevered. God could have told Noah to build the ark, and after a year or so of Noah's obedience, God could have finished the ark for Noah... but he didn't. Noah was required to finish, required to persevere.
Today I feel like Noah. I feel like I have been "building an ark" for the past four years. Each day finding myself with different emotions. One day optimistic and grateful, the next day weary and burdened, yet I have persevered. God has led us down this path for a reason. Each day that we persevere and hold steady to our faith, we grow a bit closer, we learn a bit more about ourselves and our abilities, and we inch closer to the ultimate goal. We keep running the race, we keep building the ark.
Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it. 1 Cor. 9:24
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us. Heb 12:1
But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31
I often wonder if Noah occasionally questioned the Lord's will for him. Did Noah ask God why it was taking so long to build the ark? Did Noah find himself tired and weary from his labors, wanting to give up? Did Noah beg the Lord to please finish the ark for him? Noah was a great man, but he was also human, so this leads me to believe that he probably did have a few moments in the flesh where he wondered if he were on the right path and doing the right thing.
I can relate to Noah. I have found myself doing this almost weekly for four years. One week I tell myself I need to sit back and do nothing... just let God take control. The next week, I think I need to be fasting, studying, doing something to assist God in answering my prayers. I teeter on the edge of doing too little and doing too much all the time. Is seeking medical attention doing too much? Shouldn't a miracle such as having a child come a bit more easily and without so much struggle and heartache? Is simply sitting back and praying doing too little? Like Noah, is there a path I need to be following?
I battle with these questions often, but today I felt a bit more clarity than I have in the past.
Today, I realized that when God leads us down a path, it doesn't mean we are not required to put forth some effort. Oftentimes, God is leading us down a path to test us in our obedience, our strength, and our faith. God told Noah to build an ark. God wanted Noah to put forth an effort to show his obedience and faith. It wasn't easy and it wasn't instant, but Noah persevered. God could have told Noah to build the ark, and after a year or so of Noah's obedience, God could have finished the ark for Noah... but he didn't. Noah was required to finish, required to persevere.
Today I feel like Noah. I feel like I have been "building an ark" for the past four years. Each day finding myself with different emotions. One day optimistic and grateful, the next day weary and burdened, yet I have persevered. God has led us down this path for a reason. Each day that we persevere and hold steady to our faith, we grow a bit closer, we learn a bit more about ourselves and our abilities, and we inch closer to the ultimate goal. We keep running the race, we keep building the ark.
Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it. 1 Cor. 9:24
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us. Heb 12:1
But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
Our Story in a Nutshell
MY FIRST BLOG POST!
If you are reading this, you probably already know me fairly well. You probably already know that for the past 4 years my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant. "Getting pregnant"... hmm.. this phrase baffles me. This is something that seems so simple for most women, yet so unattainable for me, its practically a foreign language in my book. I cannot picture myself pregnant. Is that weird?
Anyway, as you know, the past 4 years have been a cliché roller coaster of ups and downs. Just to give you a quick recap (I'll detail the facts for you a bit later)
We've been married since March of 2010 and trying to get pregnant since January of 2011. We've been through several surgeries, treatments, prayers, fasts, ovulation kits, pregnancy tests... and the list goes on and on. If you have a suggestion, I promise, I have already tried it!
Of course, like any normal couple, we tried naturally without a care in the world for the first 6 months or so... by the 7th month I began to become a bit concerned. Since the age of 18 I've always known that endometriosis ran in my family, and I have always suffered with severe symptoms of endometriosis but had never been technically diagnosed. This is because endometriosis can only be diagnosed through laparoscopic surgery. I've also always been aware that endometriosis can cause infertility. Here is the definition of endometriosis for those who don't know what it is. (Thank you Mayo Clinic)
Endometriosis (en-doe-me-tree-O-sis) is an often painful disorder in which tissue that normally lines the inside of your uterus — the endometrium — grows outside your uterus (endometrial implant). Endometriosis most commonly involves your ovaries, bowel or the tissue lining your pelvis. Rarely, endometrial tissue may spread beyond your pelvic region.
In endometriosis, displaced endometrial tissue continues to act as it normally would — it thickens, breaks down and bleeds with each menstrual cycle. Because this displaced tissue has no way to exit your body, it becomes trapped. When endometriosis involves the ovaries, cysts called endometriomas may form. Surrounding tissue can become irritated, eventually developing scar tissue and adhesions — abnormal tissue that binds organs together.
Endometriosis can cause severe pain especially during your period. Fertility problems also may develop. DID I MENTION IT CAUSES THE MOST PAINFUL PERIODS EVER! Like doubled over, can't walk, I'm gonna die pain!
You see, endometriosis can only be controlled by taking continuous birth control and never having a period. With every period, endometriosis grows more and more and becomes more and more painful. This is why it is SO IMPORTANT for us to use our "trying" time wisely. I'm not like most women who can try for years and years until it works. I have a limited time of trying before my reproductive organs are so destroyed by endometriosis that I will eventually and inevitably need a hysterectomy. Each period=pain and growth of endometriosis.
All that being said, by month 10 of "trying" I was scheduled for surgery to diagnose and treat endometriosis. This was October 2011.
During my surgery I was diagnosed with Stage 4 Endometriosis, which is one of the more severe cases. My amazing (world-renown I might add) doctor burned away as much of the scar tissue and adhesions as he could, he placed my left ovary back where it belonged (it was stuck to my pelvic wall) and then cut away scar tissue from my bowel which was also stuck to my pelvic wall. FUN!!!
He sent me home and said I would have increased fertility for the next 18 months so try try try!
So, we did.. and we did... and we did... but nothing! We decided to seek out some smaller, less expensive infertility treatments to assist us with our process.
For educational purposes, I have broken down the 3 common types of infertility treatments from least expensive to most expensive.I have also included the estimated pregnancy rates. I gathered this info from different sites online.
Trying naturally- A less than 2% chance for pregnancy with women under age 35 with moderate/severe endometriosis
IUI using pills-Around a 4% pregnancy rate with women under the same statistic
IUI using injectable medications- Around a 10% pregnancy rate with women under the same statistic
IVF-Around a 50% pregnancy rate with women under the same statistic
Now, I'll break down what each of these treatments require.
Intrauterine insemination (IUI) is a fertility treatment that involves placing sperm inside a woman’s uterus to facilitate fertilization. The goal of IUI is to increase the number of sperm that reach the fallopian tubes and subsequently increase the chance of fertilization. IUI provides the sperm an advantage by giving it a head start, but still requires a sperm to reach and fertilize the egg on its own. It is a less invasive and less expensive option compared to in vitro fertilization.
How does IUI work?
Before intrauterine insemination, ovulation stimulating medications may be used, in which case careful monitoring will be necessary to determine when the eggs are mature. The IUI procedure will then be performed around the time of ovulation, typically about 24-36 hours after the surge in LH hormone that indicates ovulation will occur soon.
You see, naturally, we ovulate one mature egg per cycle. When using pills to stimulate the ovaries for an IUI, you can ovulate usually around two matures eggs, therefore doubling your chances of getting pregnant. (Yes, also causing concern for twins)
When using injectable medications, you actually then ovulate typically around 4 eggs per cycle... so you can get the drift as to why injectable meds are more expensive and therefore more effective. (Think John and Kate plus 8) There is a risk of multiples, but the risk does not outweigh the benefit in my opinion. This option still leaves everything up to nature, it does not give us a clear idea of exactly what is going wrong. All we know, is that we have tried this option 6 times over the course of a year, with no luck. Somehow, the egg and sperm are not meeting and are not being fertilized.
Now on to IVF... good ole IVF...
In Vitro Fertilization is assisted reproductive technology commonly referred to as IVF.
IVF is the process of fertilization by manually combining an egg and sperm in a laboratory dish, and then transferring the embryo to the uterus.
What is involved with in vitro fertilization?
There are five basic steps in the IVF and embryo transfer process:
For obvious reasons, we have not chosen this route as of yet. It's a lot to consider.
Not only do we have to consider the financial impact, but we also have to consider the emotional impact. What if it doesn't work? Tough questions for sure!
What Else is Going on?
While undergoing our 6 IUI's we were both tested for other issues. My husband is healthy as a horse, but the doctor noticed that my egg count was measuring low. This means that my ovarian reserve is not as high and healthy as someone my age should have. Yet another reason getting pregnant is so hard for us.
Endometriosis + low ovarian reserve = Extreme difficulty getting pregnant!
There is not cure for either endometriosis or low ovarian reserve. It is what it is... and now we have to play our cards as they've been dealt.
So, where are we now?
Well, now it's January 2015. Last month I had a second laparoscopic surgery to "clean up" my endometriosis yet again. 3 years of continuous periods led me to grow significant endometriosis again within my pelvis. During this surgery I was diagnosed with Stage 3 endometriosis. The adhesions and scar tissue caused my left ovary to stick to my ureter. (ouch) and my bowel to yet again, stick to my pelvic wall. I was sent home to "try" naturally for 3 months, and at the three month point, we needed to think about next steps. Should we try IUI's again? Or should we put our efforts into IVF?
That is where we are... we are currently on month two post surgery weighing our options. As it stands, we are leaning towards beginning IVF and hopefully doing it before July of this year. That is not set in stone just yet, but we are going to first pray for a natural pregnancy before then, and second, pray for peace regarding undergoing IVF treatment if necessary, and third, pray that if we do undergo IVF, it is successful.
If you've taken the time to read this, then you are a great friend. I decided to start this blog for several reasons. One was to help me emotionally deal with all of this. Unless you've been through it, you have NO IDEA how hard it is. You have no idea what it's like to look your husband in the eyes every day and see him yearn for a child that just won't come. You have no idea how it feels to go to a zillion birthday parties and baby showers thinking that you will never have this experience. Lastly, you have no idea how it feels for your body to completely and utterly deny you the one thing it was created to do. I most certainly have faith that God's Will will prevail regardless of what we do. If he doesn't want us to have children, then even IVF will not work. I have faith that God's Will is what is best for us. I know this deep in my core. My fear is how painful God's Will may be to endure... what kind of strength, faith, pain, trials will I have to endure to allow for God's Will to prevail in my life.
I believe that God has led me down this journey. I have absolutely no doubt that this is where God wants me to be. I have grown so much as a woman and wife during this process. I have faced trials and hardships some will never experience, and I have kept the faith. I have believed and pushed forward knowing that whatever happens, it is for the best. Some might say fertility treatments are wrong. Some believe that using fertility treatments is going against the Will of God. For those of you who feel that way, it's best to excuse yourself from my blog. God provides medical treatment for all conditions, and I believe infertility is one of those conditions.
If I were in the hospital tomorrow being told I needed a heart transplant, or I would die... then would I choose death, or would I choose the heart transplant? I would obviously choose the transplant. Did I go against God's Will of death, or did I choose the path God laid out for me?
I feel the same way about fertility treatment. Any parent would go to the ends of the earth for their child, and this is no different. I will fight for, and endure for the child we yearn for. God puts us through trials and heartache to grow us closer to him. I know this is why I am suffering, and I will not suffer in vain. I am thankful for my struggles because they provide me strength.
"My grace is sufficient for thee, for my strength is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9
What I need from my friends at this point is a listening ear and prayers. I do not need or want advice, I just want a shoulder to lean on and a cheerleader to cheer us on!
I will update my blog as often as possible to keep you all up to date on our journey. I would love for you all to comment or post words of encouragement and understanding as you read along with me.
Specific Prayer Requests:
Please pray for peace for my husband and I as we continue being faced with difficult decisions
Please pray for God's Will to prevail in our lives
Please pray for our ears to be open to the Word of God
If you are reading this, you probably already know me fairly well. You probably already know that for the past 4 years my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant. "Getting pregnant"... hmm.. this phrase baffles me. This is something that seems so simple for most women, yet so unattainable for me, its practically a foreign language in my book. I cannot picture myself pregnant. Is that weird?
Anyway, as you know, the past 4 years have been a cliché roller coaster of ups and downs. Just to give you a quick recap (I'll detail the facts for you a bit later)
We've been married since March of 2010 and trying to get pregnant since January of 2011. We've been through several surgeries, treatments, prayers, fasts, ovulation kits, pregnancy tests... and the list goes on and on. If you have a suggestion, I promise, I have already tried it!
Of course, like any normal couple, we tried naturally without a care in the world for the first 6 months or so... by the 7th month I began to become a bit concerned. Since the age of 18 I've always known that endometriosis ran in my family, and I have always suffered with severe symptoms of endometriosis but had never been technically diagnosed. This is because endometriosis can only be diagnosed through laparoscopic surgery. I've also always been aware that endometriosis can cause infertility. Here is the definition of endometriosis for those who don't know what it is. (Thank you Mayo Clinic)
Endometriosis (en-doe-me-tree-O-sis) is an often painful disorder in which tissue that normally lines the inside of your uterus — the endometrium — grows outside your uterus (endometrial implant). Endometriosis most commonly involves your ovaries, bowel or the tissue lining your pelvis. Rarely, endometrial tissue may spread beyond your pelvic region.
In endometriosis, displaced endometrial tissue continues to act as it normally would — it thickens, breaks down and bleeds with each menstrual cycle. Because this displaced tissue has no way to exit your body, it becomes trapped. When endometriosis involves the ovaries, cysts called endometriomas may form. Surrounding tissue can become irritated, eventually developing scar tissue and adhesions — abnormal tissue that binds organs together.
Endometriosis can cause severe pain especially during your period. Fertility problems also may develop. DID I MENTION IT CAUSES THE MOST PAINFUL PERIODS EVER! Like doubled over, can't walk, I'm gonna die pain!
You see, endometriosis can only be controlled by taking continuous birth control and never having a period. With every period, endometriosis grows more and more and becomes more and more painful. This is why it is SO IMPORTANT for us to use our "trying" time wisely. I'm not like most women who can try for years and years until it works. I have a limited time of trying before my reproductive organs are so destroyed by endometriosis that I will eventually and inevitably need a hysterectomy. Each period=pain and growth of endometriosis.
All that being said, by month 10 of "trying" I was scheduled for surgery to diagnose and treat endometriosis. This was October 2011.
During my surgery I was diagnosed with Stage 4 Endometriosis, which is one of the more severe cases. My amazing (world-renown I might add) doctor burned away as much of the scar tissue and adhesions as he could, he placed my left ovary back where it belonged (it was stuck to my pelvic wall) and then cut away scar tissue from my bowel which was also stuck to my pelvic wall. FUN!!!
He sent me home and said I would have increased fertility for the next 18 months so try try try!
So, we did.. and we did... and we did... but nothing! We decided to seek out some smaller, less expensive infertility treatments to assist us with our process.
For educational purposes, I have broken down the 3 common types of infertility treatments from least expensive to most expensive.I have also included the estimated pregnancy rates. I gathered this info from different sites online.
Trying naturally- A less than 2% chance for pregnancy with women under age 35 with moderate/severe endometriosis
IUI using pills-Around a 4% pregnancy rate with women under the same statistic
IUI using injectable medications- Around a 10% pregnancy rate with women under the same statistic
IVF-Around a 50% pregnancy rate with women under the same statistic
Now, I'll break down what each of these treatments require.
Intrauterine insemination (IUI) is a fertility treatment that involves placing sperm inside a woman’s uterus to facilitate fertilization. The goal of IUI is to increase the number of sperm that reach the fallopian tubes and subsequently increase the chance of fertilization. IUI provides the sperm an advantage by giving it a head start, but still requires a sperm to reach and fertilize the egg on its own. It is a less invasive and less expensive option compared to in vitro fertilization.
How does IUI work?
Before intrauterine insemination, ovulation stimulating medications may be used, in which case careful monitoring will be necessary to determine when the eggs are mature. The IUI procedure will then be performed around the time of ovulation, typically about 24-36 hours after the surge in LH hormone that indicates ovulation will occur soon.
You see, naturally, we ovulate one mature egg per cycle. When using pills to stimulate the ovaries for an IUI, you can ovulate usually around two matures eggs, therefore doubling your chances of getting pregnant. (Yes, also causing concern for twins)
When using injectable medications, you actually then ovulate typically around 4 eggs per cycle... so you can get the drift as to why injectable meds are more expensive and therefore more effective. (Think John and Kate plus 8) There is a risk of multiples, but the risk does not outweigh the benefit in my opinion. This option still leaves everything up to nature, it does not give us a clear idea of exactly what is going wrong. All we know, is that we have tried this option 6 times over the course of a year, with no luck. Somehow, the egg and sperm are not meeting and are not being fertilized.
Now on to IVF... good ole IVF...
In Vitro Fertilization is assisted reproductive technology commonly referred to as IVF.
IVF is the process of fertilization by manually combining an egg and sperm in a laboratory dish, and then transferring the embryo to the uterus.
What is involved with in vitro fertilization?
There are five basic steps in the IVF and embryo transfer process:
- Monitor and stimulate the development of healthy egg(s) in the ovaries.
- Collect the eggs.
- Secure the sperm.
- Combine the eggs and sperm together in the laboratory and provide the appropriate environment for fertilization and early embryo growth.
- Transfer embryos into the uterus (max of two embryos)
For obvious reasons, we have not chosen this route as of yet. It's a lot to consider.
Not only do we have to consider the financial impact, but we also have to consider the emotional impact. What if it doesn't work? Tough questions for sure!
What Else is Going on?
While undergoing our 6 IUI's we were both tested for other issues. My husband is healthy as a horse, but the doctor noticed that my egg count was measuring low. This means that my ovarian reserve is not as high and healthy as someone my age should have. Yet another reason getting pregnant is so hard for us.
Endometriosis + low ovarian reserve = Extreme difficulty getting pregnant!
There is not cure for either endometriosis or low ovarian reserve. It is what it is... and now we have to play our cards as they've been dealt.
So, where are we now?
Well, now it's January 2015. Last month I had a second laparoscopic surgery to "clean up" my endometriosis yet again. 3 years of continuous periods led me to grow significant endometriosis again within my pelvis. During this surgery I was diagnosed with Stage 3 endometriosis. The adhesions and scar tissue caused my left ovary to stick to my ureter. (ouch) and my bowel to yet again, stick to my pelvic wall. I was sent home to "try" naturally for 3 months, and at the three month point, we needed to think about next steps. Should we try IUI's again? Or should we put our efforts into IVF?
That is where we are... we are currently on month two post surgery weighing our options. As it stands, we are leaning towards beginning IVF and hopefully doing it before July of this year. That is not set in stone just yet, but we are going to first pray for a natural pregnancy before then, and second, pray for peace regarding undergoing IVF treatment if necessary, and third, pray that if we do undergo IVF, it is successful.
If you've taken the time to read this, then you are a great friend. I decided to start this blog for several reasons. One was to help me emotionally deal with all of this. Unless you've been through it, you have NO IDEA how hard it is. You have no idea what it's like to look your husband in the eyes every day and see him yearn for a child that just won't come. You have no idea how it feels to go to a zillion birthday parties and baby showers thinking that you will never have this experience. Lastly, you have no idea how it feels for your body to completely and utterly deny you the one thing it was created to do. I most certainly have faith that God's Will will prevail regardless of what we do. If he doesn't want us to have children, then even IVF will not work. I have faith that God's Will is what is best for us. I know this deep in my core. My fear is how painful God's Will may be to endure... what kind of strength, faith, pain, trials will I have to endure to allow for God's Will to prevail in my life.
I believe that God has led me down this journey. I have absolutely no doubt that this is where God wants me to be. I have grown so much as a woman and wife during this process. I have faced trials and hardships some will never experience, and I have kept the faith. I have believed and pushed forward knowing that whatever happens, it is for the best. Some might say fertility treatments are wrong. Some believe that using fertility treatments is going against the Will of God. For those of you who feel that way, it's best to excuse yourself from my blog. God provides medical treatment for all conditions, and I believe infertility is one of those conditions.
If I were in the hospital tomorrow being told I needed a heart transplant, or I would die... then would I choose death, or would I choose the heart transplant? I would obviously choose the transplant. Did I go against God's Will of death, or did I choose the path God laid out for me?
I feel the same way about fertility treatment. Any parent would go to the ends of the earth for their child, and this is no different. I will fight for, and endure for the child we yearn for. God puts us through trials and heartache to grow us closer to him. I know this is why I am suffering, and I will not suffer in vain. I am thankful for my struggles because they provide me strength.
"My grace is sufficient for thee, for my strength is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9
What I need from my friends at this point is a listening ear and prayers. I do not need or want advice, I just want a shoulder to lean on and a cheerleader to cheer us on!
I will update my blog as often as possible to keep you all up to date on our journey. I would love for you all to comment or post words of encouragement and understanding as you read along with me.
Specific Prayer Requests:
Please pray for peace for my husband and I as we continue being faced with difficult decisions
Please pray for God's Will to prevail in our lives
Please pray for our ears to be open to the Word of God
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