Just a quick update from my doctor: My doctor called my
birth control in to the pharmacy and I am to begin taking it tomorrow (Friday
2/20/15) She said I will take it for a minimum of 14 days. During this 14 days
I will have an appointment which they call the “pre-start” visit. This visit is
to do a complete work up on my health. They will check my uterus, ovaries and
blood among other things. They want to be sure everything is as it should be
before we actually begin taking the injectable hormones and growing the
follicles (eggs) that will eventually be used for fertilization, and then
implantation. (Sounds like I’m gardening
HA!)
Over the last few weeks I have had some major scripture on
my heart. I have felt as though God is speaking directly to me through certain
scripture. There is one scripture in particular that has consistently played in
my heart and mind.
Ephesians 6
10. Finally, my
brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. 11. Put on the
whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the
devil. 12. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against
principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this
world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. 13. Wherefore take unto you
the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and
having done all, to stand. 14. Stand therefore, having your loins girt about
with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; 15. And your feet
shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16. Above all, taking the
shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of
the wicked. 17. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit,
which is the word of God.
The past few weeks I have felt like I’m am preparing my mind
and heart for battle. I literally feel as though I am drowning my mind in
study, worship and prayer. I know that what we are about to face is going to
take every fiber of courage, faith and strength in my body. I do not look at
IVF as a simple task, or just another medical procedure. I feel so many things
it’s hard to write them all down.
First, I feel blessed. I feel as though God has tasked me
with this miraculous opportunity. He has given us the ability to express our
deep faith and love. Love not only for Him, but for each other as well. These
types of hardships can either break a marriage or build a marriage. So far,
Lance and I have grown closer since we’ve began preparing for IVF. We both know
that spiritually, this may be one of the greatest tasks ever set before us, and
we are clinging to each other for support. What a beautiful task our Lord has
given us. I can’t help but feel consumed by His love, and by Lance’s love
during this time.
Second, I feel like I am witnessing a miracle. All
pregnancies are miracles, but so many of them come so easily that we may not
always pay tribute to the true miracle worker himself. Whether IVF results in a
pregnancy or not, the experience itself is a miracle. I am fortunate enough to
witness the God –given abilities these doctors have with my own two eyes. The entire process is so sacred and beautiful
and I can’t help but feel overwhelmed with the amazement and awe of it all.
Third, I feel like I’m in training. God is using scripture,
music, family/friends, books and many other things to train my heart and mind
for the battle we will soon face. Although IVF is a beautiful and miraculous
thing, the devil will try to rob me of that. He will fight tooth and nail to
make me feel sad, unfaithful, angry, and defeated any chance he can get.
Because I know this ahead of time, I know exactly how to prepare. I have been
absorbed in every moment of worship I can be for the simple fact that I know
that if my mind is on God, the devil cannot creep in. He cannot whisper in my
ear and remind me that I am weak. My Lord is my strength when I am weak.
Lastly, I feel ready. It has taken us such a long time to
get to this point. I feel so overwhelmingly ready to face what’s ahead of us, I
could just cry. I want to embrace every moment of these next few weeks. I want
to hear God’s voice every day and know that he is with me. I want to feel his
presence when we are facing adversity, and I want to set my eyes upon the powerful,
and incredible miracle that we are about to delve into. I can truly say that
whether this process results in a pregnancy or not, that where we are now is
where we are meant to be at this very moment. The Lord is using this process
for something so much greater than a pregnancy. He is growing my heart, my
marriage, and my love for Him. He is allowing me to be a part of such a
beautiful miracle that so few get to experience at this level. He is teaching
me how to remain strong and faithful. He is instructing me on how to use His armor
as solid defense against the enemy. When having done all to stand….STAND!
I will keep standing, I will keep striving, and I will keep
holding on to you Lord.
Keep praying!
