Matthew 14 22-33
22 Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and
go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. 23 After
he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later
that night, he was there alone, 24 and the boat was already a
considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was
against it.
25 Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the
lake. 26 When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they
were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.
27 But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I.
Don’t be afraid.”
28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you
on the water.”
29 “Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat,
walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw
the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You
of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”
32 And when they climbed into the boat,
the wind died down. 33 Then those who were in the boat
worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”
James 1:2-4
2 Consider
it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3
because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let
perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not
lacking anything.
The
message that was given at chapel (at work) this morning spoke directly to my
heart. The message was about trials and troubles. I have struggled this past
week with many things. Pain, doubt, faith….everything. Once the injections
began, and the pain began, my spirit weakened. Doubt settled in and I began to
wonder what I was doing to myself. I am human, more human than I prefer to
admit. I fall short daily despite my best efforts.
I have
learned these past 4 years that trials are important to our walk with the Lord. Trials and
troubles are allowed in our life to deepen our relationship with the Lord. Our
Lord suffered the ultimate trial on our behalf and now at times, we must suffer
alongside him. What deeper knowledge do we receive of our God’s greatness and
glory than when we have walked with him hand in hand during our troubles? He is
there for us when we need him most if we will just call out to him and trust
him. What a miraculous peace we can have if we begin viewing our trails in this
manner. The physical pain, the heartache, the mental anguish we have
experienced during these past 4 years is innumerable compared to the suffering
our Lord has already experienced on my behalf. I realize now that instead of
feeling sorry for myself, I can stand up and declare that my suffering will not
and has not gone in vain. My suffering is glorious because my God has counted
me important enough to want to experience this extremely intimate and special
walk with me. He growing my heart and teaching me things through this I never
realized before. I am so grateful for this experience because so few will ever
get to experience this type of trust, faith and dependence on the Lord in this
manner. You might wonder why treatments were the route God led us down as opposed to just waiting out a natural pregnancy. I do not have any doubt that treatments were the right route for us. I know for certainty that God knows my heart. He knows my spirit. He understands how I best learn what he is trying to teach me, and he knew that through these physical processes, I would grow closer to him. He knew what my spirit needed in order to fully submit to his will and plan.
I cannot
tell you how many times in the past I have doubted, cried, begged, screamed,
given up and felt hopeless. I am done doubting. I am ready to put forth 100% of
my faith in God. I am declaring here and today that we WILL be parents from
this experience. Like Peter, I have asked to step out of the boat. Like Peter, in
the beginning my feet faltered because of my fear and uncertainty. And like
Peter, Jesus picked me up and proved to me that I do not need to doubt him. He
will provide the desires of your heart, if you only ask and seek and trust in
him. I am asking Lord and I am seeking. This is the time, and I have prepared for
this. I have asked to step out onto the water, and I am trusting you to allow
me to walk.
Let me
walk upon the waters
Wherever
you would call me
Take me
deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my
faith will be made stronger
In the
presence of my savior
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